


Love of My Life

by CeceAsh



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Songfic, mentions of Perry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 19:25:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3180332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeceAsh/pseuds/CeceAsh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been 20 years since Laura died, and it hasn't gotten much easier for Carmilla to exist without her other half. But one night when she is tracking a hungry vampire, she ends up saving a girl that looks exactly like Laura Hollis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love of My Life

**Author's Note:**

> Title and lyrics from the song Love of My Life by Queen.

_Love of my life, you’ve hurt me_

_You’ve broken my heart_

_And now you leave me_

_Love of my life can’t you see?_

2067\. New York, New York. The Big Apple. The City That Never Sleeps. The Concrete Jungle. Whatever you want to call it, she was here. It’s been decades since Carmilla had walked the busy, noisy sidewalks of the Capital Of The World, or so it proclaimed, and to be honest, there wasn’t much of a difference. Maybe more smog and bigger, brighter lights, but it was still a hub of activity and popular tourist destination. And it probably always would be. Usually she hated being in such an active place, where you couldn’t walk a foot without bumping into someone. But this time it was different. She was different. With so long being alone, she needed to be around people.

Its been over fifty years since she was freed from her mother’s control when she drove that bronze sword into the blinding Light in the pit under the Lustig in Styria. She was thankful that she had no one to answer to but herself. It was liberating. But while being free was definitely better than being a minion of the evil, time was a frustrating thing. Once upon a time, no matter how much she wanted every moment to last, the days came and went all too fast. Like a blur. There had never been enough hours in the day to properly appreciate things. But that was in the past. Nowadays, time couldn’t move fast enough. It was like torture. Minutes slinking by, making the ticking of clocks maddening.

It’s been twenty years since Laura had passed away. All too early, at the age of fifty-three. In a car accident of all things. She’d died before the paramedics had even gotten there, and Carmilla had never gotten to say a proper goodbye. She blamed herself, of course. She’d made a promise to protect her, and she’d failed. And the love of her life was now buried six feet under. To think, Laura was worried about dying of old age in the next couple decades and leaving her behind. Instead, something neither of them has been prepared for happened. Life. What a fucking bitch. Since then, she’s been trying to find something else to live for, but there was nothing.

Before Carmilla had enrolled at Silas University that last time, she hadn’t been truly living then either. She had tried to make a life for herself, but the enjoyment had been sucked out of everything since Ell. She was no better out in the world than she was in that Godforsaken blood coffin that her mother exiled her to. Sometimes she wished that she had never been accidentally freed from it. It would have been less painful. No more having to do everything mommy dearest said. No more having to watch innocent girls disappear for forever. Then in 2014, in the middle of the first semester back at Silas for another round of kidnappings, her mother made a choice that changed everything.

When she had first walked into her new dorm and saw her new roommate turn around from her computer, it took everything in her to act normally. Laura had bared a striking resemblance to her lost love, Ell. She had wondered if her mother had done that on purpose. Probably. She loved to see Carmilla suffer. Mentally, she had made herself stay distant from the girl for as long as possible, but she had that drive and fire that was so unexpected and oh so attractive, it grew harder and harder to stay away. Finally, at one point, she had to admit to herself that she’d fallen in love. Again. It was different though. Yes, she had loved Ell, but the love that burned inside of her for Laura had been like a roaring fire.

She felt the closest to being alive for the first time in three hundred years. It was as exciting as it was confusing, for both of them. And she knew it would never end well. Her mother always said “flesh cannot love stone”, which was true...until it wasn’t. Ell had rejected her when she found out about her true nature. Laura, while cautious, didn’t seem too afraid. It definitely didn’t deter her from yelling about how Carmilla always stole her food, her clothes, her tampons. But for some odd reason, had still fallen in love with her too, despite prior knowledge that she was a vampire. It was hard to wrap her mind around that fact. She had literally found the most accepting girl in the world.

The first few years of their relationship were as close to perfect as they could have been. They finished college, found a place in Canada to live together, and each pursued their own individual interests. Laura went on to intern, and eventually become a full-time writer for the Toronto Times, while Carmilla discovered that she had a knack for painting, and with some convincing, sold her pieces in her own art gallery. Sure, they had their fights, mostly over stupid things though. Like leaving clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper, or about the endless amount of hair Carmilla seemed to have that constantly clogged the shower drain. But nothing ever too serious.

It wasn’t until Laura had turned thirty, that the subject of the future really came up. Carmilla still looked like she just turned eighteen, and while the blonde hadn’t aged that much, the difference was still apparent. So they had the talk. They loved each other too much to let go, but Laura wasn’t so sure about becoming a vampire. Carmilla would never be selfish enough to make the girl she loved do anything that she didn’t want to do. So they dealt with it in stride, when issues came up, like marriage or kids. They did end up getting married, which is something that Carmilla had never even imagined for herself before Laura. And closest thing to kids they wanted was a dog.

When Laura hit forty, she started to question her decision not to have Carmilla turn her years before. The brunette of course, tried to make things better by saying that she’d made the right decision. The life of a vampire wasn’t as great as the movies made it seem. Though deep down, Carmilla wanted nothing more than to share eternity with her wife. When Laura turned fifty, they had the talk again. Laura had decided that she wanted to be turned. Carmilla, though elated inside, knew that it wasn’t the right thing to do. The blonde deserved to live out her life the way everyone else did. The way she was supposed to. She knew it would mean being alone again one day, but she tried not to think about it.

That one day came sooner than either expected. In her head, she had imagined being by Laura’s side when she was ninety years old, grey in the hair, and probably having to use a walker to get around. But there she was, burying her at fifty-three. Maybe she should have turned her. But it was too late now. Laura was gone, and Carmilla was alone once again. For a few months, she continued to live in the house they had built together, then their dog died as well. All ties she had with the city of Toronto were gone. So she boxed everything of theirs up, and put it in storage. She didn’t want to get rid of it, but she couldn’t stay in that house anymore by herself.

It hurt too much to be surrounded by everything that they bought together. She decided to keep the property though, thinking that maybe one day she’d feel that she would want to be there again. But not anytime soon. So the years went by. Carmilla hardly even existed in the world. She found a one-room cabin in the woods, stocked a large freezer full of blood, and stayed there. Away from people and their everyday noise. And grieved. She spent the first few years there, doing nothing but staring out the window into the forest, or lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling. Sometimes going for walks around in the woods, or climbing on the roof to watch the stars at night, but the latter two were a rarity.

She mostly only got up to retrieve blood from the fridge, or take a shower when she mustered up the energy. Again, she barely existed. Finally, she decided to leave the cabin. She went back to the house, made sure everything was still okay, that no one had decided to break in and vandalize it. It sat just as it had years prior, just more dust. She also checked on her things in storage. While she only meant to check that everything was still accounted for, she ended up looking through photo albums that Laura had put together. It was upsetting, wishing she could go back in time and relive those wonderful times, but it made her realize how much she’d done in those thirty years she shared with Laura.

For some reason, it only dawned on her then that the tiny blonde wouldn’t want her to keep wasting her life away just because she was gone. So, Carmilla decided to make it her mission to find something good to do. Something that would make her happy, or at least content, and something that may even help others. She tried different avenues of work, but so much of it was too depressing, and while she'd always been broody, there was only so much sadness even she could take. She even tried painting again, but she’d lost her inspiration. So she traveled, searching for something, anything, but it was easier said than done. It wasn’t until she ended up back in New York, that something fell into her lap.

_Bring it back, bring it back_

_Don’t take it away from me_

_Because you don’t know_

_What it means to me_

Carmilla had only been in New York a couple of days at this point, now aimlessly wandering around in the middle of the night, not wanting to go back to her cheap apartment quite yet. She had a bookbag full of stolen blood packs slung over her shoulder, and she kicked her boot in a puddle, getting some water on her leather pants, but she didn’t care. It was then that she heard a muffled scream and scuffling a few streets away. Knowing the good thing to do would be not to ignore it and keep going, she used her super hearing to guide her, and found herself down the alley that the sound had come from. Once she got to the end, to her right was a guy holding a girl down on the ground, trying to pull her pants down.

Grinding her teeth, Carmilla let her bag fall to the ground and strode over, grabbing the back of the guy’s neck and pulling back, using more force than she probably should have. He flew across the alley and his whole body smacked up against the brick wall. It wasn’t hard enough to kill him, but he would for sure have a concussion and some bad bruises. As his now unconscious body crumpled to the ground, she turned back to the girl. She had tears in her eyes and was shaking. Carmilla told her that she was safe now, and helped her up. The girl was confused about what happened, but grateful that she hadn’t become a victim of a heinous act.

Carmilla called a cab to take her the rest of the way home and stayed with the girl until the car came, then watched it until it disappeared from sight. She’d helped someone, and it felt good. Like she actually made a difference. More than anything, she hoped that Laura would be proud of her, and as she thought more about it, maybe this could be the way she made up for her centuries worth of kidnapping girls and helping her mother feed them to a hungry Light in the ground. She knew there was no way she could ever compensate for all the lost lives in the past, but that wouldn’t stop her from trying. With that now made up in her mind, she finally had another purpose.

Finding a permanent marker in her bag, she uncapped it and wrote in capital letters on the guy’s forehead: RAPIST. She didn’t know if he was a serial offender or this was his first attempt, but she wasn’t going to take the chance of letting him get off scot-free either way. Using her cellphone to pinpoint the closest police station, she slung her backpack back over both shoulders and using her strength and super speed, dropped the guy off in front of the building and knocked hard on the glass doors before zipping away again, hoping she was too fast for security cameras or anyone that happened to be nearby to see.

The police would have to do something, right? At the very least they would have to check his ID and type it into their computers to see who he is and why he had RAPIST written on his forehead. She mentally crossed her fingers that he had a warrant out for his arrest or something, anything to lock him up. He needed to pay for the deed he would have committed is she hadn’t come along when she did. It started off like that. Whenever she needed to stock up on more blood, she would take her time in walking to and from the blood bank, and listen for anything odd. And since it was New York, and crime was everywhere all the time, she was busy.

In reality, the world, not matter what time period, was always the same. Wars going on overseas, and crime rising in bigger cities. Though more so now with all the new technology. Fucking 3D printers made it easy to make your own guns, so practically everyone, besides to poor, had them. Society had come leaps and bounds from her human days, but it was things like this that she questioned if they really were better off now than then. In her day, things were just so much simpler. Crime, especially murder was a rare thing. Now it was just an everyday part of life. Which is why she sits on rooftops like fucking Batman, waiting for something to happen.

Sometimes she just has to roll her eyes at herself, because really, she feels ridiculous. But at least Laura would appreciate the superhero reference. Although Carmilla would argue that Batman is not really a superhero, having no powers but the ability to pummel people into the ground using sheer human force. Then Laura would go on a rant about how one didn’t need special powers to be a superhero, and Carmilla would watch her fondly as the blonde ranted, letting the words go in one ear and out the other, but found it cute she was so passionate about menial things such as fictional characters.

A few months after that started, she turned on the television and for once, watched the nightly news because nothing of value was on, and she really should be more in the know about what was happening in the world. The anchorwoman was talking about how the crime rate has gone down lately in New York because the vigilante that was doing the police’s job, to which they then showed a blurry picture of Carmilla. She groaned to herself as the co-anchors joked about grown men being taken down by what was so obviously a petite woman. She shook her head, and berated herself about being more careful, though she couldn’t be identified with one crappy picture.

The days blurred together as she went out practically every night, instead of just when she needed to go get more blood. She started to become a superhero herself, as the media portrayed her, and she couldn’t help but smile at the fact that if Laura were alive, she’d insist on making Carmilla a costume. And though she would say ‘never in a million years, Cupcake’, she knows that the blonde would flash those puppy dog eyes and get her way. She really did think about disguising herself though, because now that the whole city knew of her existence, she was putting herself in danger every night. Eventually, she broke down, knowing it was the best thing to do.

Instead of having a cheesy costume with a cape, which was so unnecessary anyway, she opted for just a black mask that covered half her face. She felt more like Robin than Batman, but that was fine. I guess if she was keeping the streets even just a tad bit safer, it didn’t matter what the fuck she wore to do it. Though her nightly activities were a bit exhausting. It became such a focus that she didn’t think of too much else, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Kept her thoughts from getting away from her and making her sad. So it was a win/win. The months started to fly by, time no longer moving as slow as a snail, and she wondered if that part was for the better or not.

Her heroic actions were not limited to New York city though, she actually prowled all five boroughs on a regular basis. Especially Brooklyn, when she’d caught a familiar scent one night. It was a few hours old at least, so it was faint, but still very much there. A werewolf. It was obvious that many supernatural beings were out there in the world, but it was still pretty rare that she came across one, especially in such a busy place. Usually they the mutts liked their own space, with vast woods to run around in and hunt freely. But it seemed that over the years things were changing. Not that that was a bad thing, she did believe some of the supernatural clans were a bit too behind in their ways. Much like her mother had been.

After finally tracking down the source of the wet dog stench, and much surveillance from afar, she deemed them harmless. But if she heard about anything odd going on over there, they’re the first suspects on her list. As if that wasn’t surprising enough, it wasn’t but a few months later that she caught the scent of one of her kind. Not that she was thrilled, she typically didn’t get along with her kind either, but it smelled...off. And she knew that smell all too well. It was hunger. No mistaking that particular fragrance. Death. Carmilla hated that smell. Humans didn’t notice it, lucky bastards. Following the trail, she weaved through the streets in the night, doing her best to be quiet, hoping to not give away that she was following the vampire. Then all of a sudden a few blocks away, her super-hearing perked up when a yelp broke the silence.

“Why do they always run into dark alleys…” The vampire muttered.

“Stay back! I have mace!” A female voice shouted.

Carmilla stopped in her tracks for a moment, swearing that her heart leapt to life, before using her super speed to reach the alley where the voice echoed from. There, halfway down it, backing up was a girl that looked all too familiar. Instinct kicked back in and Carmilla picked up a broken chair leg out of the nearby dumpster, and wasted no time in taking the vampire into a headlock. He hiss and bared his teeth, hands pulling at hers to free himself, but he was weak from being hungry. Without another moment to waste, she plunged the wood into his chest, and he promptly disintegrated into nothing more than a pile of ash.

Finally looking back at the girl in front of her, who was shaking, eyes wide open, she spoke. “Laura…?”

Any reply that the girl was going to make was cut off by her eyes rolling back, and promptly fainting right then. Carmilla caught her before she hit the asphalt, and cradled her into her arms, staring down at that all too familiar face. Tan skin, dirty blonde hair, small freckle above her lip.

“How can this be?” The brunette whispered in the cool night air.

_Love of my life, don’t leave me_

_You’ve stolen my love_

_You now desert me_

_Love of my life can’t you see?_

Carmilla couldn’t wrap her mind around it. She’d seen a lot of truly strange things in her time, but this...this takes the cake. She saw her wife’s body be lowered into the ground. She was dead. And not in the undead dead way. But yet here was a girl with the exact same hair, soft as angel wings, the same features, same voice when she’d heard her pleas, and she would bet all her money that she had a small light brown birthmark on her lower back. This was her Laura...wasn’t it? All she wanted to do was hug her, kiss her, tell her how much she’s missed her. Though she was sure that wouldn’t go over well, if her terrified face before she’d fainted was anything to go by. No, she should leave right now. That would be best.

Yes, it would be best, for both of them, but she didn’t move, still sitting on the floor next to the sofa where the blonde lay still unconscious. Carmilla had taken out the girl’s wallet to check for her address, and learned whose name was still Laura Hollis, according to her driver’s license. This made no sense. Her Laura had been fifty when she passed away. Hair blonde and gray. Wrinkles and crow's feet. Not that it mattered, she was still radiant and beautiful. This girl...she looked as if she did the first time Carmilla had walked into that dorm room. It just seemed too good to be true. Was this all a big trick? Who would hurt her like this? She didn’t have any enemies except for her mother’s minions, but they were long gone, staked by the Dimwit Squad years ago.

Lifting her hand, she ran her fingers through the dirty blonde hair, yes, it is still as soft as it ever was. She loved that feeling, but right now it felt wrong. Well, in her heart it felt right, but this girl didn’t know her, so her brain told her she shouldn’t be touching her like she did. But Carmilla let herself indulge for just a little bit longer. Letting her fingertips trail down her cheek to follow the line of her jaw, and the plumpness of her bottom lip. If this girl was an...imitation, she was a perfect one. At least looks-wise. Her personality would be the thing that was the tell tale sign that this was not her Laura Hollis. In that case, she selfishly wished the girl would stay unconscious for just a little bit longer, not wanting her world to be shattered right before her eyes yet again.

But the flutter of eyelashes and crease on the blonde’s forehead signaled that wasn’t going to be happening. Pulling her hand back, she got up off of the floor and sat on the edge of the coffee table. The girl slowly woke up and regained her bearings. Rubbing at her eyes until her brain caught back up and she shot up into a sitting position, then squealed and jumped back into the cushions when she saw Carmilla a few feet away from her.

“Who are you?!”

“Settle down, Cupcake. I’m not going to hurt you.” Carmilla said, putting her hands up in surrender.

“Oh God, what happened? We were in the alley…” She squeezed her eyes shut as she thought. “And you saved me...but you killed that guy!”

Carmilla shushed her. “Keep your voice down. Yes, I killed him. It was either that or let him kill you, and which would you have rather had?”

“I...but...wait, what happened? How am I here at my apartment?”

“You fainted. I carried you back. And I stayed...to make sure you were okay.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie, but definitely not the whole truth. But it would be her little secret.

“Was he...you know...what I think he was?” The blonde asked. “I saw his teeth.”

“Yes.”

She sighed a shaky breath and nodded. “I knew I should have taken Krav Maga when my dad insisted…”

Carmilla shook her head. “Even that wouldn’t have stopped a hungry vampire, I’m afraid.”

“How did you know he was a vampire?” The girl asked.

“I could smell him. I was following his scent anyway, but then I heard you yell, so I came to help.”

“You could...smell him.” Then she realized the paleness of the stranger’s skin, how she took the guy out with such ease. “You’re...oh God, oh God…” She squirmed in her seat, looking around for a possible escape route.

“I’m not going to hurt you. I don’t hurt humans.”

Anymore, that is.

“Yeah, because I’m going to trust a vampire I just met!”

“If I wanted to hurt you, I would have done it back in that alley. Not take the trouble of carrying you back here and waiting for you to wake up. I’m not one to play with my food.”

“Right…”

“You can relax, Creampuff. I get my blood from bags, not from the source.”

Laura quirked an eyebrow. “That’s...weird.”

“Not all vampires are like the ones you see in those terrible teen movies.”

Silence filled the air then, but at least Carmilla could see that Laura was a lot less tense than she was just a moment ago. But as she pinched the bridge of her nose, she spoke back up.

“You all right?”

The blonde’s eyes met dark ones. “Yeah. Just so much information to process. Vampires are real. One tried to eat me, one saved me. Eventful night.”

Carmilla let her lips form a small smile. “Would you like me to get you some water and Advil?”

“Actually, that might help-”

Laura had barely finished her sentence when the vampire was suddenly gone from her place on the coffee table, then a second later, was standing in front of her with glass of water and two pills.

“Wow.”

The brunette’s chest tightened at the memory of Laura saying the exact same thing after they first kissed. Closing her eyes, she knew she couldn’t stay. It would only lead to more pain. The girl in front of her was a different person, and there was no use in thinking that she could be hers. And to not endanger her any further, she needed to leave. Leave and not come back. Though in the back of her mind, she knew that was a promise that was most likely not going to be able to be kept. But she would try. Seeing this girl would only make her heart ache more than usual. But not seeing her would have the same result. Why did things have to be so complicated?

“Well, now that you’re fine, I should go.” Carmilla said, clearing her throat as she walked over to the window. “Just try not to get yourself cornered by another vampire, okay?”

Without waiting for an answer, she swung the window open and jumped out, hearing a gasp and squeal behind her. Using her super speed, she ran down the street and ducked in an alley. But before she headed back to her apartment, she peeked around the corner and saw Laura leaning out her window, looking around for her. After a few moments, she sighed and backed away and shut the window, latching it before closing the curtains. Carmilla didn’t realize that she was crying until a tear dropped on her cheek and ran down her face, tickling her skin. It took everything she had to walk away then. The girl was better off without her. Or so she told herself. But was she really?

_Bring it back, bring it back_

_Don’t take it away from me_

_Because you don’t know_

_What it means to me_

For the next few weeks, Carmilla didn’t leave her apartment at all. She specifically rationed her stash of blood to make it last longer so she didn’t have to go back out into the world. Her mind still couldn’t wrap around the fact that there was a Laura Hollis walking around New York. She had come to the conclusion that this was either someone’s idea of a bad joke, or just the world continuing to punish her for all the shit she’s done in her life. And what a punishment it is, wanting so badly to be in this girl’s life, but knowing in the end, she’d just get hurt again. But that pull never went away. It was that same pull that had drawn her to her Laura Hollis in the first place.

She may have been annoying at first, but from the very first moment, something had been there between them. And over time, it had only gotten stronger and stronger, until she couldn’t ignore it anymore. It was also nice that the feeling was mutual. Sure, she’d known Laura had been crushing on her, that was really no secret at all with the way the younger girl got flustered anytime they held eye contact for more than five seconds. But crushing was different than actually wanting to be with her. She knew about her dark side and all of the things that she’d done, and she still wanted to be with her. Bless her big heart. Laura Hollis had always been way too good for this messed up world.

They say it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have not loved at all. Carmilla found that to be true. So many good things happened because she had fallen in love with the tiny human. She’d defeated her mother and taken out her minions, along with an ancient supernatural Light, which released the souls it trapped when she drove the sword into it. So many people were free. Ell was free. And she was free to be with Laura, without any horrific repercussions. Free to let herself be happy again. Free to not be constantly looking over her shoulder. But loss was something that she would never get over.

She still mourned for Ell, but that pain had subsided. They hadn’t had very long together. Less than a year. She had thirty years with Laura, and there was no replacing that. When the blonde had died, she’d taken the vampire’s heart with her. And that was okay. She had accepted it. Carmilla didn’t want to love anyone else for as long as she lived. Life didn’t mean much to her after Ell for all those years, or to this day after Laura. She’d even contemplated staking herself at least once every day since, but she never got the courage to do it. She could blame it on that being a waste, but the real reason was that she was scared.

What came of vampires after death? Did they go straight to Hell where everyone said they came from? Or could they go to a more peaceful place? A place where she could see her real mother and father again? A place where she could see her Laura again? Not knowing was enough to stop her from taking her own life. Just barely. She’d come very close a few times, but in the end, she knew that’s not how things were solved. It was all just frustrating beyond belief. Especially when she finally ran out of blood and needed to get more. Of course she couldn’t just go get the blood, her body wouldn’t let her. It was like she was a magnet being pulled to where she wanted to go.

Everything in her was pulling her to the fifth story of that brick apartment. No matter how much her brain told her that it wasn’t good for her mental health to be there, she had to see her again. Of course this begged the question, why do something that she knows will hurt her? She guesses that fucking song was right, you can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness. And maybe subconsciously she did like the pain. But at least it made her feel something. To know that she wasn’t just completely numb on the inside. So with a sigh, she gave up staring at the lit up window from afar and used her super speed to run up the side of the building.

Opening the window with ease, she climbed in, stepping into the apartment with a muffled thump. She could see from her spot into the kitchen, where the blonde was standing in front of the stove, looking into the pot of what smelled like tomato sauce, stirring it around. Closing the window and discarding her backpack (which was now filled with blood packs) on the couch, she walked further into the apartment. It reminded her of the first one Laura and her had shared after moving out of the Silas dorms. It was nice for a twenty-year old. She must have a wealthy enough family, because no one her age would be able to live here by themselves without a higher paying job.

Stepping up to the doorway of the kitchen, she leaned against the wall. “Smells good.”

Laura jumped and grabbed a nearby spatula, turning around and pointing it at her. Carmilla couldn’t help but smirk sadly. This girl was so painfully Laura.

The blonde let out a sigh when she realized who it was, and lowered her spatula and tossing it back onto the counter. “It’s just you. Thanks for the heart attack!”

“Oh, don’t be overly dramatic, Cupcake. Your heart is fine.”

“What are you doing here, anyway? I thought after your dramatic exit out the window, that’d be the last I’d see of you.”

Carmilla shrugged, and let the lie fall off her tongue with ease. “I was in the neighborhood. Thought I’d see if you were doing okay. Not getting into anymore trouble with the supernatural, are we?”

“I’m fine.” She replied, turning back to the stove to check on her noodles. “And no, I haven’t.”

“Good.”

She sauntered over to the counter and leaned on it, observing the blonde before picking up a slice of cheese, smelling it, then taking a bite. She couldn’t remember the last time she had human food. Years. She just hadn’t had that kind of appetite.

“Uh, excuse you.”

She looked up to find the blonde staring at her with an eyebrow raised. “Hm?”

“You may want to ask before you help yourself.” She stated before frowning. “Besides, when can vampires eat anything that isn’t blood?”

The brunette finished chewing before she answered. “I can eat what I want, I just need blood to survive.”

The girl nodded slowly and muttered something under her breath that sounded like “interesting”, then spoke up. “Are you hungry?”

That question came as a surprise, and she arched an eyebrow.

Laura shrugged. “You’re already here, and I have more than enough for the two of us…”

“I could eat.” Carmilla said, trying to play it off as if she didn’t have anything else better to do.

“Well, if you’re going to just stand there, do me a favor and get me a couple plates from the cupboard, please.”

Eating the rest of the piece of cheese, Carmilla did as she was asked, then set them down on the counter and watched Laura dish out a helping of noodles, then top them with a ladle full of sauce. She handed over her full plate and ushered to sit at the small square table in the corner as Laura fetched some rolls from the oven. Getting back up and retrieving her bag, she pulled out a single bag of blood. She had just planned on sipping out of the short cord that was attached, like a straw, but didn’t get the chance before the girl behind her was talking again as she brought the rolls over to the table in a basket.

“You want a glass for that?”

All she could do was nod. This girl seemed even more quick to accept Carmilla than her Laura had been. It was like being a vampire was a normal part of life. But she hadn’t been anything but nice to this Laura thus far, and she hadn’t been the most friendly when she had burst into the Silas dorm room like she already owned it. No wonder her Laura hadn’t liked her at first. But the college already had odd happenings going on there constantly, so vampires being there wasn’t too much of a shocker. Here though, in the relatively normal city of New York, you’d think it would be a bigger deal.

“How are you being so blasé about this? If I didn’t know better, I’d say you had dinners with supernatural creatures on the regular.”

Finally Laura sat down across from the confused vampire, and picked up her fork to eat. “I guess I’ll take what company I can get.” She looked down at her food and lowered her voice. “I don’t really have any friends.”

Carmilla frowned, finding that hard to believe. Who wouldn’t want Laura around? She was the kindest, sweetest, gentlest, most loyal person on the planet. But then again, she had to keep reminding herself that this wasn’t her Laura.

“People say I’m too clingy...or whatever. But I just care a lot. Isn’t that how friendship works?” She looked up with sad eyes.

All Carmilla wanted to do was kiss those insecurities away, but instead she had to use her words, which she still wasn’t very good at, even after nearly four hundred years. “Yeah, Creampuff. If they can’t appreciate that, then they aren’t friends you want to have anyway.”

And with that, Laura gave a small smile, and they both dug into their plates of food. They ate in comfortable silence, with only forks scraping across plates the only sound in the apartment, aside from the occasional siren echoing in from the streets. And the only time Laura looked like she wanted to say something was when Carmilla took her first sip of blood from her glass. She knew that look in the blonde’s eyes. Curiosity, questions galore, but not disgust, which she was thankful for.

Once Laura was mostly done with her plate, she brought up what she’d been wondering for weeks now. “You know, you’ve saved me and ate dinner with me, but I still have yet to know your name.”

Carmilla froze. She knew if this human said her name, she’d be done for. More so than she already was now. But then she would never want to leave and always want to hear it as it rolled off her tongue so naturally. So, she gave Laura her birth name. It hadn’t been uttered since the last time her and her mother had spoken. And at least this way she wasn’t technically lying...

“Mircalla. Karnstein.”

Laura thought to herself as she twirled some noodles on her fork. “Sounds...old. Regal. Like, you could be Princess Karnstein of...where are you from?”

“Styria, Austria.”

“Mm.” She nodded. “Princess Karnstein of Styria. Has a nice ring to it.”

She supposed it did, but only when Laura said it.

“You probably already know my name since you looked at my driver’s license to bring me back here that night, but, I prefer proper introductions. I’m Laura Hollis.” She finished with a smile.

Yeah, she was done for alright.

_You will remember_

_When this is blown over_

_And everything’s all by the way_

_When I grow older_

_I will be there by your side_

_To remind you how I still love you_

_I still love you_

Their dinners sort of became a thing from then on. When Carmilla needed to go on a blood run, she would stock up her bookbag and then head over to Laura’s, who now took a habit of leaving the window open for her. Once a week on Friday became their night. Laura would either be finishing up her university homework or already fixing dinner when the brunette let herself in through the window. They would eat, talk a little, then Laura would convince her to stay and watch a movie with her. Carmilla pretended to put up a fight about it, but really, she was already wrapped around this girl’s finger, and much as she hated to admit it. She’d do anything asked of her. Even watch these new, and still terrible vampire movies, whilst answering curious question from the human next to her.

To have a balance, Carmilla stayed away from her the rest of the time. She wanted to keep an eye out for Laura, but restrained herself from going over to the apartment any more than on Fridays. Plus the blonde was busy with university and she didn’t want to distract her anymore than she already did. So she kept her prior schedule of sleeping during the day and got back into crime fighting at night. The citizens on the news seemed to be relieved that the petite vigilante was back from her hiatus, and Carmilla was too. Not just because she wanted to keep helping people, but she needed a distraction from thinking about Laura too much.

**Creampuff (5:34 pm): Do you know Spanish?**

**Vampyre (5:37 pm): Sí.**

**Creampuff (5:38 pm): Great! Can you come over tonight and help me with my paper? I’ve been so stressed and consumed with my Journalism project that I need to make sure I won’t fail my other classes.**

**Vampyre (5:40 pm): I suppose I could drop by.**

**Creampuff (5:41 pm): Gee, don’t sound so excited. I’ll make those cookies you like so much as a thank you?**

**Vampyre (5:43 pm): I’ll be over soon.**

**Creampuff (5:49 pm): Remember to bring blood! You drank the last pouch in my fridge last time.**

Yeah...she might have given the girl her cell number. It was originally for emergencies or if their plans on Fridays changed, but of course, the human insisted on texting her cute good morning and good night messages, and random things throughout the day. Carmilla couldn’t help but respond. At first she ignored the texts, but that ended up lasting a whopping three hours before she gave in. Since then, she answered all of them immediately if she was awake. It helped that she slept most the day away, and by that time at least seven messages had usually stacked up and were waiting for her when she woke up. It was nice having someone to talk to, and she knew Laura was happy to finally have a friend who didn’t push her away.

She did feel bad though. LaFontaine and Perry both had her cell number as well, but she rarely spoke with them. It was of no one’s fault but her own. They reminded her of Laura and their years at Silas, and that was too painful to drudge up so often. But she had kept tabs on them, making sure they were okay and taken care of. She may not want to see them or have a dialogue with them on a regular basis because she would most likely break down, but that didn’t mean she had just stopped caring for them. She sent them postcards with updates when she traveled, and sent them flowers for their wedding anniversaries. But past that, it hurt too much. But she missed them terribly.

And now needed to talk to someone else more than ever about her predicament that she found herself in. However, they were old, and she really didn’t want to cause one or both of them to have a heart attack by saying ‘Hey, I know that we haven’t talked in a while but, there is a girl that looks, acts, talks like Laura that I’ve been seeing recently. So anyway, how have you been?”. Yeah, that would go over so well. She wished she had a vampire friend that she could confide in, but she’d always been a loner, and having a companion had never worked out for her in the past. So she was stuck by herself with her thoughts. As she always had been.

But as she sat on the opposite side of the sofa as Laura, watching her as she typed away on her laptop, making that cute scrunchy face and poking her tongue out of her mouth. Being alone with her thoughts was increasingly difficult for Carmilla. After she went through the blonde’s Spanish paper, marking everything that needed to be corrected in red pen, she set it aside and grabbed her phone. She’d never been one to reach out to anyone to talk, but it’s time that changed. Something this big needed to be shared with the other people that had cared about Laura the most. Launching her app, she clicked on LaFontaine’s contact info and opened a new conversation window.

**Carmilla (7:37 pm): I have a...situation...**

**Ginger #1 (7:41 pm): Carmilla? What’s wrong?**

**Carmilla (7:43 pm): I need you to not have a heart attack when I tell you.**

**Ginger #1 (7:45 pm): You’re scaring me. What did you do?**

**Carmilla (7:47 pm): Why do you always assume I did something? Forget it. Make sure you’re sitting down because it’s going to be one Hell of a shocker.**

**Carmilla (7:48 pm): I don’t know how, but...Laura is back.**

**Ginger #1 (7:49 pm): WHAT?????**

**-Ginger #1 Calling-**

Carmilla ignored the call and thanked her past self for putting her phone on vibrate earlier. Looking over, Laura still working feverishly on her laptop, hadn’t noticed, thankfully. Going back to their conversation, she continued to text.

**Carmilla (7:50 pm): Calm yourself. And I can’t talk on the phone right now, she’s with me.**

**Carmilla (7:51 pm): Like I said, I don’t know how the fuck it’s possible, but she’s back. She looks the same, acts the same, talks the same, laughs the same. But she doesn’t know who I am. I kept trying to convince myself that this girl isn’t my Laura, but there’s just something in me that is telling me she is.**

**Ginger #1 (7:52 pm): Are you sure? I mean, people have doppelgangers out there...**

**Carmilla (7:53 pm): It’s her. I know it.**

**Ginger #1 (7:53 pm): Send me a picture.**

“Hey, Cupcake? Smile, I need a picture of you for your contact.” She said, raising her phone to snap the picture.

The blonde looked up, confused for a second because she hadn’t been paying attention, but saw the brunette looking like she was about to take a picture, so she automatically smiled. She liked the fact that the vampire wanted a picture of her. And later when she wasn’t slammed with school work, she would ask to take one of the brunette in return. It would only be fair.

“Thanks.” The vampire muttered.

**Carmilla (7:54pm): photo attachment**

**Ginger #1 (7:55pm): That...does look an awful lot like her.**

**Carmilla (7:57pm): That’s because it IS her.**

**Ginger #1 (7:58pm): Send me a blood or saliva sample. I can match it to a sample I have of...old Laura’s to see if they match in any way, or if it’s synthetic.**

**Carmilla (7:59pm): Right, I’ll just ask to swab her mouth.**

**Ginger #1 (8:02pm): Well do it somehow if you really want to know for sure.**

**Ginger #1 (8:03pm): Also, if this is our Laura, do you know anything or anyone that could have possibly done this?**

**Carmilla (8:05pm): Fine. I’ll figure something out.**

**Carmilla (8:05pm): There are spells for everything, but I don’t know who would do this. My mother’s dead and so are all of her minions. You guys made sure of that...**

“Ugh. I feel like my brain has melted.” Laura said suddenly, letting her head fall back onto the arm of the couch.

Carmilla lowered her phone and looked at the tired girl. “Take a break, Creampuff. You can’t work with a fizzled out brain.”

“Normally I would argue, but I don’t have the energy.”

Carmilla leaned over the couch and closed Laura’s laptop, setting it on the coffee table, then got up and headed for the kitchen. “Sit back, relax, and I’ll get you some Advil.”

“Thank you.” The blonde grumbled as she rubbed her eyes. “Check on the cookies while you’re in there?”

“Yeah, yeah.” She muttered, getting a glass from the cabinet and reading the new incoming text as the water filled up.

**Ginger #1 (8:10pm): I’m going to keep this between you and me for now. Until you get that DNA sample. I don’t want to worry Perry all for nothing.**

**Carmilla (8:11pm): Do what you got to do. Not like I’m going to be telling her.**

**Ginger #1 (8:11pm): Thank you for telling me though.**

**Carmilla (8:12pm): Alright, I’m gonna end this before it gets sappy. I’ll be in touch.**

“Mircalla? You alright in there?” Laura asked from the couch.

“Yeah, sorry.” She said, putting her phone away again, checking the cookies, then walking back to the living room with the girl’s water and pills.

It reminded her of the first time she was here in the apartment. Never did she think then that she’d be here now. Funny how things work out.

“Movie? I need something to zone out to for a while.” Laura took what what given to her and picked up the remote.

“Yeah, just let me take the cookies out of the oven first.”

She was starting to feel domestic again. As reluctant as she had been the first time around with Laura, she actually did enjoy it a bit. Not that she would ever admit it to anyone but herself. She heard Laura yawn from the couch as she scraped the golden brown cookies of the metal sheet and set them onto the cooling rack. No doubt after she ate a few cookies, she’d be passed out for the night. That was okay, because she really did need the rest. And when she came back with a plate of warm, gooey cookies, she handed Carmilla the remote and didn’t bother waiting for them to cool before digging in.

The screen had already loaded Netflix, so she went through the lists of recommended movies. Eventually she put on Beauty and the Beast, because she knew that Laura was big on classic Disney. The tiny human didn’t waste any time in cuddling up against the vampire. This wasn’t the first time it’s happened. Far from it. But it was getting increasingly hard to just sit there and not wrap her up in her arms and never let go. Months of this, and still, it didn’t get any easier. And her willpower was finally shattered when Laura moved even closer, burying her face in the crook of her neck and pressing a kiss into her cool skin. That was new. Carmilla’s eyes went wide and she stopped breathing.

Of course, the girl didn’t know the effect that she had, and went on to eat her cookies. It was a relief when only twenty minutes later, the blonde was completely knocked out. Doing her best to not jostle her around, Carmilla lifted the girl up and easily carried her into the bedroom. There, she set her down and pulled the covers over her as she grabbed a nearby pillow and clutched it to her chest. Sitting on the edge of the bed, the brunette pushed back some of her dirty blonde hair out of her face. What was she going to do? Could she allow herself to let go and let herself be happy with this girl? What was she thinking? She already knew the answer.

“Good night, sweet girl.” Carmilla whispered and bent over, kissing the girl on her cheek.

_Hurry back, hurry back_

_Please, bring it back home to me_

_Because you don’t know_

_What it means to me_

She didn’t go out that night, opting to stay in and put the cookies away and clean up the mess they had made in the kitchen. Then she proceeded to correct the mistakes on Laura’s Spanish paper on her laptop and then print out the final copy so she wouldn’t have to worry about that when she was working on her Journalism project. To end the night, she finished watching Beauty and the Beast by herself. It wasn’t until she was about to crash on the couch that she remembered LaFontaine’s request for a DNA sample. Going the less creepy route, she snuck into Laura’s bathroom and pulled some hair out of her brush and bagged it. She’d send it the following afternoon. Until then, she flopped on the couch and passed out.

At some point the next morning, she vaguely registered a blanket being placed over her, and a kiss on her forehead, but she was still out of it, and fell back into a deep sleep. And she didn’t wake up again until the apartment door opened later on, hitting the coat rack behind it, startling her. Opening her eyes, she saw a blurry Laura making her way through the door with her hands full of groceries. She rubbed her eyes and yawned before sitting up and addressing the girl.

“Mmm. Morning, Cutie.” She smiled.

Laura raised an eyebrow and looked at her wristwatch. “It’s five o’clock in the afternoon.”

Carmilla shrugged. “Eh.”

Getting up, she helped the tiny girl by taking some bags and setting them on the counter. Once the fridge was stocked up again, they turned to each other.

“So...you slept here.” Laura stated, trying to sound nonchalant, but failing.

“Didn't feel like running all the way back to my apartment.”

Half true. She didn’t want to go back to her shitty apartment, but if she really wanted to, she didn’t have to run all the way there, she could have just teleported herself there, but hey, Laura didn’t know that. But there was just something about staying in the same place as the girl you love. It brings a sense of comfort that she couldn’t get if she were by herself.

“Well, you’re welcome to stay here whenever. You didn’t have to sleep on the couch though, my bed is big enough for two. And more comfortable.”

Carmilla’s eyes widened. This girl was really making it hard for her to keep it together. And some part of her felt that Laura knew this as well, judging by her challenging smile. Oh, how she wanted to kiss that cute, smug, face so much. But instead, she put on her best smirk and did her best to talk normally.

“If you wanted to sleep with me, all you had to do was ask, Sweet Cheeks.” She winked, then exited the kitchen.

Picking up her bookbag, she threw it over her shoulder before heading for the door.

“Using the door like a human being? Are you feeling well?” Laura asked, pressing the back of her hand to Carmilla’s forehead.

“Ha ha, very funny.” She replied, playfully swatting the girl’s hand away. “Bye for now, Cupcake.”

With a boop on Laura’s nose with her finger, she turned and left the apartment with a smile, wanting nothing more than to turn back around and spend the rest of the day with her favorite little human. But she needed some time to herself or she would be totally consumed by the girl. Once she left, she headed to the post office and mailed the hair sample to LaFontaine, then headed back to her place. And just as she expected, it was lonely and depressing there as she waited for the sun to fall below the horizon. That night she stopped a burglary (fucking teens throwing bricks into windows), and pulled a cat from a tree where it was stuck.

One of those things made her feel a little less badass than the other, but the creature seemed grateful, and no one saw her being a softie, so it’s like it never happened in her book. Feeling a vibration in her pants, she pulled out her phone.

**Creampuff (11:37 pm): You. Me. Coffee date. Tomorrow.**

**Vampyre (11:38 pm): I love it when you take charge.**

**Creampuff (11:40 pm): Do you always have to make everything an innuendo?**

**Vampyre (11:41 pm): Duh. You should know this by now, Cutie. I can’t turn it off.**

**Creampuff (11:43 pm): SO, is that a yes for tomorrow or not?**

**Vampyre (11:44 pm): I thought you were telling me what to do, not asking.**

**Creampuff (11:47 pm): Meet me at Espresso Yourself. 5pm.**

**Vampyre (11:49 pm): Yes, ma’am.**

The next day, Carmilla made sure to walk into the coffee shop at exactly five, not wanting to seem too eager, but also not wanting to be late. She go her usual order, when she actually drank coffee, and found Laura in the back where there were a few cushy chairs, reading a book. She looked so beautiful with the sun coming through the glass, shining on her dirty blonde hair, creating a glowing halo.

“So, what is the meaning of this little meeting?” Carmilla asked as she sat down.

Laura looked up and smiled, closing her book. “Just wanted to see if you actually existed outside of my apartment. Turns out, you do.” She joked. “Also I wanted cocoa and thought your company would be nice.”

“I could have just brought you some…”

The blonde cocked her head to the side. “Yeah, because any excuse not to join the land of the living?”

“What’s the point if the only living person I want to see is you?”

Oh God, she would have rolled her eyes at herself if it wouldn’t give away that she regretted saying something sickly sweet. Laura blushed, then promptly changed the subject. Once the flirting was toned down, the conversation came easy, as it always had, but she couldn’t help feel that there was another reason for this sudden ‘coffee date’. Or maybe it was just her mind playing tricks on her. That she was the one that wanted there to be something more to this meeting, that she’d projecting onto Laura. God, sometimes she wished she had never taken Psychology so many times. Really fucks with your brain. Just then, her pocket vibrated, pulling her out of her thoughts.

**Ginger #1 (6:47 pm): Got your package. I’m going to start testing the samples ASAP.**

**Carmilla (6:48 pm): K. Let me know of any progress when it happens.**

**Ginger #1 (6:49 pm): You’ll be the first to know.**

“Who are you texting?” Laura asked after finishing her cocoa.

“Sorry.” Carmilla said, putting her phone in her pocket. “Just an old friend. I mailed them something and that was them telling me they got it.”

“A vampire friend?”

“No. Human.”

Laura nodded, but Carmilla could tell was something else there. Disappointment, or jealousy, or a combination of both. Silly little human, she had nothing to worry about.

“You want to get out of here? Take a walk?” Carmilla asked.

Instantly, the girl perked up, biting her lip to not smile too big and nodded. “I would love that.”

It was a nice day out, only needing a hoodie to be comfortable. Well, if you were human. Carmilla was just wearing a ripped Led Zeppelin shirt with beat up black short shorts. And she could definitely feel Laura’s eyes on her backside as she lead the way out of the coffee shop. They weren’t that far away from Central Park, so without a word, she took Laura’s hand in hers and lead her down the street. At first she didn’t know if that was the right move or not, but soon enough, the blonde squeezed her hand back, and everything in the world felt right again.

_Love of my life_

_Love of my life…_

They walked around like that for a while, weaving through the trails and crowds of people. To be honest, she barely registered anyone else but Laura and the hand in hers. She wanted to interlock their fingers so badly, but was afraid that may be a bit too fast, so she settled for having the constant warmth against her cool skin. She loved that nothing needed to be said to fill the silence between them. They were perfectly okay in just experiencing everything around them, letting the time pass them by as the sun started to go down. But all good things must come to an end.

“As much as I’d like to do this forever, I still have my Journalism project to work on.”

“No problem.” Carmilla said before looking around.

After making sure that no one was around to see, she grabbed Laura’s other free hand with hers and closed her eyes. The blonde was confused for a second before pitch black smoke surrounded them. She would have panicked if it weren’t for the vampire being there with her. A few seconds later, the smoke cleared, and they were back in her apartment, just inside the front door.

“Wow…”

“One of the perks to being a vampire.” She said, finally letting their hands separate.

“That’s...wait. So if you can...poof anywhere you like, how come the other night you didn’t just poof back to your own apartment?” Laura asked, smiling brightly.

Shit. Busted.

“Fine, you caught me.” She shrugged. “Your apartment is so much nicer than mine, I didn’t want to go back to my cockroach roommates.”

“Uh huh.”

It was at least sort of true. Her apartment did have a cockroach appear every once in a while, and even though she was a nearly four hundred year old vampire, those fucking things still grossed her out. But she knew full well, and so did Laura, why she had stayed.

“Let me make you dinner tonight.” Carmilla said suddenly.

Partly because she wanted a change of subject, partly because she’d been thinking about it for a few weeks now. Laura had always been the one to do everything like that for them when they hung out, so she wanted to show her appreciation.

“You can cook?”

“Some things, yes. I’m not completely inept.”

“Well then, I look forward to it.”

With that, she forbade the blonde from entering the kitchen until she was done. It was really no problem for the tiny human, although curious, her Journalism project wasn’t going to finish itself. Remembering the recipe to Laura’s favorite dish, she got to work. Her tastes hadn’t seemed to change, she was still a cookie and hot chocolate addict, so it wasn’t far off to assume that she would still enjoy some homemade cheese ravioli and asparagus covered in marinara sauce. She had to poof herself, as Laura called it, to the store for the ravioli, but everything else was in the fridge. Thankfully this Laura was a much healthier eater and kept stocked up on things, and in less than an hour, she unloaded the steaming food onto two plates. And even though she knew the food was good, she was still nervous.

Carmilla was just pouring some blood into a glass when Laura moaned from the table.

“Oh God, that’s like an orgasm in my mouth.”

Well, that’s one way to describe it.

“I’ll take that as the highest compliment then.” She replied, fighting off the urge to make an inappropriate joke, and sitting down and eating herself.

The rest of the meal was mainly Laura reiterating how delicious it was, and that she should cook more often. If Carmilla got this reaction every time, she definitely would. But she always liked Laura’s culinary touch, and besides a few dishes, she couldn’t even come close to her. After two plates worth of food, Laura was happily stuffed, and made her way back to the couch to rest as Carmilla cleaned up and put the plates in the dishwasher. Eventually she ended up of the couch as well, like usual, half watching old episodes of Friends as they talked.

“The nineties were so strange.” Laura mused. “Look at how clunky that phone is!”

Carmilla rolled her head and looked at the blonde, smiling. It was moments like these when it felt like just them in the world. That nothing else mattered. It was these moments that she wanted to last forever. But as always, there’s an interruption. Her phone vibrated next to her, and if it was anyone else, she would be annoyed, but once she saw who it was, she immediately swiped to unlock it and read the message.

**Ginger #1 (11:54 pm): After all day of testing the samples you sent me, I have come to an astonishing conclusion. She’s not synthetically made, and she’s a perfect match for old Laura’s DNA. As much as this confuses the Hell out of me...the science doesn’t lie. That is our Laura Hollis.**

Carmilla read and reread the message over and over. It was her. Inside she’d known it all along, but when there is actual scientific proof to back it up, there’s no more denying. She put her phone down and looked back over to Laura, who was settling her legs under a thin blanket. But it didn’t take her long to realize that she was being watched by the vampire. And before she could say anything, Carmilla leaned over, wrapping her arms tightly around the blonde’s waist and letting her head rest on her chest. She could hear and feel the strong beat of her heart, which increased speed instantly. Without a word, Laura put one hand up to Carmilla’s head, stroking her hair, and the other around her back, Keeping her in place.

Other than quick hugs, or one-sided cuddles, this was the first time they had embraced in such a way, both holding onto the other firmly, not wanting to let go. They stayed like that for, Carmilla lost track of how long, just enjoying the warmth between them that she always craved. Finally, she pulled away, if only a little bit, to look Laura in the eyes, reflecting back what she was trying to say as well. A hand cupped her face, and a set of lips pressed against her cheek, the corners of their mouths almost touching. So close yet so far. Carmilla’s chest tightened and before she knew it, she was out of her seat and pacing back and forth, hands in her hair. She wanted this. So fucking badly. And it seemed like the blonde did too.

“I’m sorry, I clearly overstepped your boundaries. I just thought after today, and dinner...crap.” Laura’s desperate voice came from right behind her.

Carmilla wanted to reassure the girl that everything was okay, but it wasn’t. These feelings that she stirred up in her couldn’t be pushed down anymore. She had known this all along, that one day that her heart would give in. Especially now, when she had confirmation with LaFontaine that this was Laura. And it was time. Time to finally let herself be happy again. And hopefully make Laura happy as well.

“Please don’t hate me.” Laura begged. “I promise it won’t happen again.”

It broke her heart that Laura thought she’d hate her over that. Turning around, she faced the upset girl, who was fidgeting with her fingers and looked to be on the verge of tears. Carmilla closed the couple feet of distance between them. Like their first kiss all those years ago, she lifted her hands up and caressed Laura’s face, not wasting anymore time, she leaned down and captured those soft lips she’d missed so much. Such warmth rushed through her, hotter than ever before. Twenty years had felt like an eternity, but with their lips moving against each other’s, it felt like it was just yesterday. The memory of how they fit together had not gone away.

Their lips parted after a few seconds, but neither wanted the moment to be over. Standing up on her tippy-toes, Laura gently grabbed the back of Carmilla’s head and took her bottom lip into her mouth. The vampire held onto the smaller girl’s clothes, gripping them in her fists before she couldn’t hold back any longer, and wrapped Laura in a tight hug, lifting her off the floor for a few seconds before gently setting her back down. When they reluctantly pulled away, they looked each other in the eyes, and both could tell that the other just wanted to dive right back in and kiss until the sun came up. Which even then wouldn’t be long enough.

But before they could, Laura closed her eyes and cringed in pain, her hands flying to her head as she moaned. Carmilla didn’t know what was happening. An aneurism? God, that would be just their luck. As the pain seemed to get worse, Laura whimpered louder, falling to her knees. Yet another time in her existence, Carmilla is rendered helpless. What could she do if she didn’t even know what was going on? Soon, Laura’s cries faded, and she blacked out with her head in the vampire’s lap. Her heart was still beating, so she was fine in that regard, but really, what the fuck just happened? She was fine up until just a few seconds ago.

Carmilla wasted no time in picking the girl up and laying her on the couch. It reminded her of the night she brought her home after she killed the vampire. But now she had no guilt about touching her anymore. She sat on the floor, leaning against the couch as she stroked Laura’s temple with her thumb. Occasionally she would lower her head and kiss her bare arm, willing her to wake up so that she knew she was okay. Every minute that Laura was unconscious, the more anxiety built up inside of Carmilla. Over an hour later, she glanced at the time on her cell phone, debating on whether she should take the blonde to the hospital. Just when she was going to stand, she started waking up.

She groaned, opening her eyes, finding the vampire bent over her with such intense worry on her face. “Carm?” She said, her eyes shining with recognition.

The brunette’s breath caught in her throat. “Laura?”

She’d made a point to not give Laura her name the night they first had dinner, so how did she know it now?

Reaching up, the girl cupped Carmilla’s cheek, running her thumb over the familiar soft skin. She sighed with relief, and her eyes started to tear up.  “I remember now.”

Carmilla really didn’t want to jump to conclusion, just in case her assumptions were wrong and she was crushed. So she had to ask. “Wha-what do you remember?”

The blonde smiled, tears trailing running down the side of her face and landing on the pillow below her head. “Everything.”

When both girls finally wound down, hours of happy tears and kisses and hugs later, they ended up laying in bed, holding hands as they whispered back and forth. Finally, it was time the blonde told her side of the story.

“When I...died...everything went black. But only for a moment. Because then there was this bright like. Brighter and more radiant than anything I’ve ever seen. It was so beautiful and entrancing. As much as I wanted to go into it, I remembered you. Wherever that light would take me, it didn’t matter, because I didn’t want to leave you behind. I knew then I had made a mistake in not having you turn me. Then all of a sudden there was a voice. I don’t know who it was, but they told me to not be afraid. To come into the light and everything would be okay”

A single tear fell down her face, and Carmilla wasted no time in wiping it away.

“I told them I didn’t want to go. That I wasn’t ready. I just wanted to be with you again. There was a long silence, and I thought the voice had left, but then they said I had a choice to make, but I needed to be sure. I could either go back and live another life with you, or I could come into the light where my parents would be. I always knew deep down that they were okay, even though I missed them terribly, that they were in a better place. This was only confirmation of that. And while I would love to have seen them again, I wasn’t going to leave you behind. It wasn’t a hard choice. Then the light turned blinding, I couldn’t see anything. And instantly I was here, in this new life. I grew up feeling major déjà vu quite frequently. But I didn’t remember anything until we kissed. It was like a film strip in my head, but someone was fast forwarding. I now have all my memories from my last life, but also still have the ones from this life as well. There’s just so much in my head…”

Carmilla kissed her forehead and breathed in Laura’s scent. “This whole thing is so incredibly strange. But I’m so thankful that you’re here.” Off in the living room, she heard her phone buzz with a text message. ”LaF is really going to be interested in you now...”

Laura looked up in surprise. “LaF is still alive?!”

“And Perry.”

“I-I...where are they? Can we go see them? Are they still together?"

“Whoa, whoa, slow down Cupcake.” The brunette interrupted. “They live in Styria. Yes, we can go see them. Yes, they are still together. We can go see them whenever you want...but right now, I just want you to myself.”

Laura looked a bit scared to ask, but she had to. She had to know that the same mistake wouldn’t happen twice. “Forever this time?”

Carmilla held her tighter, burying her face in in the crook of Laura’s neck and nodded. “Forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> 1) If you are curious enough to listen to the song that inspired this fic, may I suggest listening to the live at Wembley 1986 version, rather than the studio version. It's more emotional and the audience participation makes it all the better.
> 
> 2) I wrote this monster of a fic over the course of a month in the middle of the night, so if there are any mistakes, just let me know.


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